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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Let's Talk about Sex... ism and Rape Culture

Men are really good at one thing. I'm sure we're good at a lot of things, but we are REALLY good at one thing. Marginalizing women. We do it every day, intentionally or unintentionally, it doesn't matter, it is something we do. We see women and a lot of the time all we see, tits, ass, vagina or Mom. In the workplace, in a church, the gym, a restaurant, or our own kitchen, we focus on one or two aspects of the female person. Today, most of the men I know don't mean to, but there are many, many more that do it on purpose, and with malicious intent. Sexism exists because of one reason, whether you believe it or not... Fear. We, men, are afraid of women, and for very good reason, because we know for a fact that if women ever get serious about the whole procreation thing without any input from men, we will cease as a sub-species. Just because we have historically been physically stronger doesn't give us the right to subjugate and relegate them to minor roles in society.

History or is it Herstory... yeah, that sounds right

Historically women were the keepers of the home, while men were the hunters and gatherers of society. Now let's look at what homemaker means. It means they bear and raise children, take care of household accounts, do the shopping, the cooking, the cleaning, wipe shitty, child bottoms, and cleanup the various spills and accidents of children. They carry children in their bodies for up to 9 months, going through excruciating pain and hardship, to make sure the human race continues. Women have been at the forefront of the propagation of the species since the dawn of the human race. If women ceased to exist, so would the human race. The same cannot be said of men. There is enough sperm in the world to keep the human race going for quite a while, but there is no such thing as an artificial womb. Think about that for a minute. We cannot do without women, but they don't actually need men. This scares the shit out of men. We are expendable, our sisters, mothers, and daughters are not.


Out of the Kitchen into the Office
There have always been jobs that were "women's" work, but these were basically just an extension of their home lives. Maids, Nurses, Nannies, and Prostitutes. Then WWII happened, where most of the males of fighting age were sent to the front lines to kill each other, so women had to step up and do all the other shit, too. They moved out of the kitchen into the workforce. Women became teachers, factory workers, baseball players, doctors, and lawyers. More importantly they became students. Now there women doing all these things before the war, but those were exceptions, rather than the rule. Now women were having fill all the roles traditionally held by men, and they liked it. They were doing their part for the war effort, and they were damned good at it. Then the War ended, and all hell broke loose. The men came home and said, "Okay, sweetheart, you did a passable job, but now big strong man here to do hard work... bubye now." And women said, "Ahhhhh hell no."

War Comes to Bakersfield
Women had stepped up and done all the crap jobs, while men were tromping all over Europe and Asia getting laid and killed, and they were loathe to give up that power. Women now had the opportunity to show men what they had tried to tell them for hundreds of years prior, and men were having none of it. This brought out the worst misogyny and sexism ever seen. This was a direct challenge to the Patriarchy. The Patriarchy that had existed since the dawn of time. Yeah, that Patriarchy. Women had once again done what they've always done in times of crisis, put on the Big Boy Underwear and found that it fit pretty damn well. Only this time they had something else on their side, millions of other women... and the vote. They could now show up at the polls and say,  "You know, I think I would like a smidge of power with a side of Democracy."

Ahhh... look He's So Mad... Poor Little Guy
The Patriarchy wasn't ready to give up the fight just yet. Men knew they were on the way out, and did everything they could to steal the power back that they had lost. There were laws being introduced that made women adults before men, which might seem cool, until you look at the fact that if a woman broke a law she could be charged as an adult a year before a male counterpart. Wages levels were introduced that forced women to do the same work for less pay. And this shiny new Glass Ceiling was built right over the heads of these uppity females.

What do You Mean, They Enjoy SEX!?!
Then came the 1960's and 1970's and Women hear d all about Agency. They realized they had been having millions of years of bad sex, and men were mad that someone had let the secret out. Women figured out they could have sex outside of marriage, and even with other women... this is when the Lesbian was invented. (I know they existed before that, but my fellow men are just coming to grips with this whole voting thing.) Women are allowed to have sex, today, as long as they don't actually tell anyone that.

Slut Shaming

This is thought that if women have sex with anyone but you, or outside of marriage, they should feel ashamed of it. If a woman dresses a certain way they are obviously on the prowl, rather than just wanting to dress that way for their own self. The length of a woman's skirt or V collar determines how many guys they will sleep with on any given night. On the other hand if she wears an ankle length dress and baggy turtleneck shirt, she is obviously an ice-queen, or a :::gasp::: lesbian. Unless she has a friend who's a real nice guy.


Nice Guy Syndrome or Why do you only date assholes
Nice guys are all around. These are the guys who are the "best friend", the one that the girl calls when her boyfriend is being an asshole. These are the guys who are "in love" with their female friends, regardless of how the object of desire feels. They lament that they never get a second look, never have their feelings returned. And of course, it couldn't be that they never actually try to become the person that would be romantically attractive to their friend. Maybe getting off the couch and working out? Perhaps put the book down, and actually listen to the women in your life. Maybe actually learn how to talk to members of the opposite sex, or even the same sex. Doesn't matter. If you think you are a "Nice Guy" you're not, you're a budding stalker, that maybe hasn't committed a crime, yet. Yet.

A little disclosure here: I used to be a nice guy. I had crushes for years on several women, and always wondered why they didn't like me back. I was such a nice guy, that I never hit on them, was never an asshole to them, and always wanted to fuck them. It never even entered my consciousness that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't a nice a guy, or that maybe they really just didn't think of me as a partner, and maybe, just maybe I could be a friend, instead of a crusher. I tried to be an asshole once, when I was with one of my crushes, and it turned her off more than all my protestations of love and devotion. 

Women are allowed to fall for assholes. They are allowed to fall for real nice guys. Just because they don't fall for you, doesn't mean they are sluts, it means they are people, and as such should be treated as people, not your pet. If you ask a woman out, and she says no, if you can't accept it and be a real friend, go away. Otherwise you are imposing your desire on them. 

On the Silver Screen and in the boob...hehehe... tube...hehehe

Why is the nice guy syndrome so prevalent? Let's look at the popular media of the current age. Television and movies are filled with stories of the Nice Guy waiting his time and eventually the girl has an epiphany, and sees him for the first time, all over again, and they fall in love and everything is awesome. 
Big Bang Theory is one of the worst perpetrators of this trope. In the first episode Johnny Galecki falls in love with Kelly Cuoco, and pretty much stalks her for the next 16 episodes where she finally realizes that she is in love with him, even though he has not changed or done anything different through the entire season. It happens in the same episode that she breaks up with her boyfriend, which is what we in the real world call, rebound. Even after he finally gets what he wants he isn't happy, because of his own anxieties of not "being good enough" and they eventually break up. This would be fairly accurate description of what would happen if most "nice guys" got what they want. Nice guys are usually shy, self-effacing, and generally don't have very high self-esteem. That doesn't change, just because you start getting laid. 
As much as I love Kevin Smith, he put forth another bad example of this, in Chasing Amy. Stop typing. I actually like this movie, mainly because of the dialogue and the acting, but I recognize the misogyny inherent in thinking that just because Ben Affleck is attractive and funny, in the movie, that he could convince a woman to change her sexuality. Nature verus nurture aside, sexuality does not change overnight. And Smith actually puts forth another good example of a real life ending to this. Afleck finds out he's not the first guy to share Joey Lauren Adams' bed, and suddenly he's obviously the most vanilla motherfucker on the planet, regardless of the fact that his roommate apparently doesn't mind giving porn mags to kids, in an airport... nothing pedo there. Nope. Move along. 
Seth Rogen is another criminal of the genre, with movies such as Superbad, a vehicle for Michael Cera to be Michael Cera and falling in love with a girl that has no interest in him, until they all survive a pretty traumatically hilarious eveing, and end up hooking up. 
These are just a few examples, but the entire entertainment industry is rife with examples. These are all movies and show's I like to watch, but again, it's important to be able to look at things critically and understand the underlying messages in media. This is where nice guys get the idea that if they are persistent enough (read: creepy enough) that eventually they can get a girl in the sack without resorting to chloroform. 


It 's not Rape if...
First and foremost: Rape. Is. Not. About. Sex. End of story. It is an act of violence and dominance expressed by the act of sexual contact. No never means yes, maybe never means yes, drunkenese has no word for yes. One thing means yes, and that is a clear concise, "Yes." Nothing else. Rape culture, despite popular opinion, did not originate with Jamie Kilstein's appearance on the Joe Rogan Show. Rape Culture is the pervasive thought that somehow women were "asking for it" if they were raped. There are several recent examples of the pervasive  culture that Rape is acceptable in certain circumstances. 

... she was drunk
Recently the case of a young woman in Steubenville, OH was brought to the spotlight when two members of the local High School Football team raped, video taped and otherwise humiliated her. The Hacktivist group Anonymous first revealed this after running across the video online, of the girl being abused in several homes, possibly even one of the coach's house. The local police, at first, refused to even investigate the charges, and once the charges were investigated the young woman was forced to deal with the public reaction AGAINST HER. The media coverage of the verdict was less than stellar, with CNN's Poppy Harlow, wondering how it would affect the lives of the young men who raped the young lady in question. Because you know, when you rape someone the first thing you should be concerned with, is your future job 
According to the National Institutes of Health: National Institutes of Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, conservative numbers indicate that a full 25% of the female population has been the victim of violent sexual assault, and more than half of those had been drinking. Taken with the fact that only about 39% of all rapes are reported, the number of inebreated victims of sexual assualt is around 19 million. Per year. 19 million women, either willingly or unwillingly consume alcohol and are raped. But it's their fault. Am I right... Bro?

...I buy her something really nice
This supposes that when you buy something for a women, she owes you something, and by something I mean sex. When you think a women owes you for dinner, you are saying, "Your body is for sale, and I pay in cheeseburgers." The vagina is not a slot machine, regardless of what your frat brothers might think. This is not to shame Prostitutes, and other sex workers, because....

...She strips or fucks for a living
There are many reasons that women enter the sex trade, legally and of their own choice. For some reason, men seem to think that if a woman sells sex or sexuality, it means that they are entitled to those services for free, or even if at some point the proprietor of that body, changes her mind about the transaction. Sex has been a commodity for some, since we figured out what this whole penis/vagina combination thing meant. Women, and men too, should be allowed to sell sex if they choose, without being shamed and raped for it, when they are choosy about their partners. 

My thoughts
Don't get me wrong. Women can be sexist, and they can even be sexist against their own gender, looking at you TERFs, but the more predominant avenue of sexism and rape culture goes straight down the penis. Men seem to have this thing where if we don't consciously think about it and try to change, women just really piss us off for no more reason than the fact that they have different parts than us. It doesn't make sense. Half the population is female. Our mother's are, generally, female. Our wives, for the most part are women. Our daughters, our sisters. Why would we think that it is acceptable to treat them as inferior? Because at some point millions of years ago we were the protectors, the hunters, the providers. You know what else we used to do millions of years ago? Eat raw meat, wear animal skins, and live in caves. Let's try coming into the 21st Century fellas. Just try it, see if it works better for us.

Wesley Henderson
@novawitch
Novawitch72@gmail.com
8/10/2013

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